Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Queen of Butter Struck Down

Paula Deen.

We all know what happened. 
You can debate whether there's a double standard between a 60-something
White woman and Lil Wayne, Jay-Z and their ilk, but this Foodie-Conspiracy Theorist spreads it this way: 

It's a Butter Coup. On June 3, Paula's new line of finishing butters was released. Just two weeks later, the Great Defender of Butyric Acid was destroyed and her butter is going nowhere fast.

With three salubrious strokes, in Citrus Flavor, Lemon Dill, and European Style with Sea Salt, the Demon of Low-Fat would be felled.

Were the idea of "finishing butters" to catch on, people might start realizing how wonderful food tastes with butter. They might start cooking with butter, and because butter nourishes cells instead of just filling the belly, they might eat less and actually lose weight by eating real food. Toast might be, once again, spread with that golden fat that made humanity strong and virile. Spinach and broccoli might be topped with it and diabetes concurrently disappear. Cholesterol might increase, bringing better brain function and higher hormone levels to America. Men would look more handsome to their wives and wives prettier to their men. Babies would be conceived and born and that would upset the De-Population Dictocrats. Children would be calmer, less violent, angry, and restless and they might leave the guns at home. They'd be smarter with higher STAAR scores and schools would require less federal "Title" funding (read: taxes).  Nursing home beds would be empty and the elderly have both their memories and time to impart wisdom before leaving this world.  

Margarine would be out. Cancers would heal, blood pressure fall, arthritis disappear, strokes and heart attacks back to the levels of 1900 when doctors saw no myocardial infarction and the fats were butter, lard, and tallow; back to the Golden Age before Ancel Keys told his big fat lies about saturated fat.

Back to the time before Political Correctness when people had common sense and could think for themselves without media manipulation.

Ah, the Power of Butter. Its champions must be silenced.

1 comment:

Ricardo Sierra said...

It is true that there has been a systematic marketing of margarine and non-butter type products for the last thirty years or more, and that goes for maligning lard, too. I have heard that Ms. Dean has been highly critiqued because of her use of butter rather than the oils and margarine products, so it is interesting that she has been hit hard in the press, isn't it?

It is possible that it was a coincidence, as I don't think we have to spin everything to conspiracy theory, but it is unfortunate. Has anyone actually tried her products? Are they any good? Is their slow start because they aren't that good, or is it just the marketing hit that they took because Ms. Dean's reveal?

I think there are a lot of people in the US who feel that many, many people in the south who are still deeply racist, and when a public figure such as Ms. Dean is discovered to have some possible tendencies, or just a social faux pas, everyone is going to pounce like wolves on a wounded caribou. There is blood in the water, and they did the same thing when she was diagnosed with diabetes as well. I don't know her personally so I can't judge her really, but it is true that she might come out of this with more insight, compassion and understanding...

And maybe you will be the new Queen of Butter, Granny!