Fool Whip

You can call it “Dessert Topping,” “Cool Whip,” “Whipped Topping,” or whatever you like. I call it Fool Whip. Here are the ingredients of one such product found in our local market:
• Water
• Partially Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil
• Corn Syrup
• High Fructose Corn Syrup
• Sugar
• Partially Hydrogenated Coconut Oil
• Sodium Caseinate
• Artificial Flavor
• Polysorbate 60
• Sorbitan Monostearate
• Guar Gum
• Xanthan Gum
• Soy Lecithin
• Glycerine
• Beta Carotene
• Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil

Anything “Partially” hydrogenated is “Completely” detrimental to health. Food Villains take a cheap fat like palm kernel oil that has been extracted using gasoline-type solvents and then proceed to make it even more toxic. It is placed in a vacuum and thickened with hydrogen atoms by means of a metal catalyst, usually nickel. Nickel is another story in itself, a very poisonous metal used by scientists to induce pancreatic cancer in test animals. The process is very similar to the one used for making plastics, so that the partially hydrogenated oils are close relatives of the tubs they are sold in.

At my Supermarket Survival classes, I illustrate the nature of this food fraud by using a doll. Normally, both of Dolly’s arms are extended in front, which portrays the healthy form of fats, or the “Cis” configuration. (Think of the word Scissors, and how both tines of the scissors must be on the same side for the tool to work properly.) To achieve the “Trans” form, I must break the doll’s arm to make it go across the (glycerol) backbone. (The prefix “trans” means across.) This is what is done to the fat used in the Fool Whip.

As you can see, the hydrogenation process “breaks” the oil that goes into food. Any food that is broken on the molecular level produces food that is also “broken,” and since we are what we eat, we become “broken,” too! This is all too evident with the prevalence of heart disease, high cholesterol (due to the inflammation these oils cause), diabetes, immune system dysfunction, and even mental disorders.

This particular product also contains Coconut Oil and Soybean Oil, both of which have been abused by the same process. Coconut Oil has been much maligned, but it is actually a healthy saturated fat as long as it is consumed in its original state. Soybean Oil, and also the Soy Lecithin, is not to be trusted. It most likely comes from a genetically-engineered (GE) source, meaning allergies and other health sorrows.

The corn used in the Corn Syrup and High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) are likewise to be suspected from GE sources. Splicing DNA from diverse species is not only war against the Creator, it is agri-terrorism. This is not the same as hybridization, which is mixing varieties of apples to get better apples. When you eat GE food, you may be consuming entirely new forms of bacteria, viruses, and other life that have never been seen on earth before. Because a GE plant cannot be recalled once it has left the laboratory from which it was spawned, and because the USDA is so non-committal in its monitoring of ambitious patent-holders, and because the industry (read: Monsanto et al, the same corporations who brought us Agent Orange) can’t be trusted when it comes to the choice between your health and billions of dollars, for these reasons and more, GE foods may mean famine in our future.
Ever try to buy HFCS? You can’t, because it is only available commercially. But here’s how it’s made, just in case you feel up to it: Take the GE corn and manipulate it with an enzymatic isomerization process to get powdered cornstarch. (Did we learn how to do “enzymatic isomerization” in Home Ec class?) Then you process this to get glucose, then process the glucose to get fructose. Mix that with some corn syrup, and Voila! You have a cheap sweetener that you can sell to conscience-less Food Villains who will use it in thousands of products that will cause millions of people to experience hundreds of diseases.

Sodium Caseinate and Artificial Flavor (go ahead, ask your grocer where these guys are found) are hidden names for MSG, that flavor enhancer extraordinaire that explodes brain cells, causes grotesque obesity, migraine headaches, joint pain, vision loss, and lots of other misery.

Polysorbate 60 may sound familiar. It is a thickening agent found in number of cosmetics and personal care items. It’s been around since the 1950’s, and so have the concerns for its safety. Some scientists argue that it causes changes in tissues, sex organs, liver, and kidneys—oh yes, and tumors.
Sorbitan Monostearate (SM) is pronounced by the FDA to be non-toxic (as long as it doesn’t exceed 0.4% of the weight of the finished topping), but diabetes expert Thomas Smith (Insulin: Our Silent Killer) recommends that anyone with blood sugar issues avoid all foods with forms of sorbitol. SM is made by combining stearic acid with sorbitol. Hmm. I can’t help but wonder what would become of the consumer if, God forbid, a dosage of 0.5% got into a batch. Naw, I’m sure that could never happen.

Don’t Let Your Pie Go Naked

Okay, so what now? Shall our guests be disappointed with unthinkable topless pies? Never!

Find yourself three ingredients: Cream, vanilla, and maple syrup. The best cream is farm-fresh and comes from grass-fed cows not given hormones or antibiotics, and for which you will have to do some searching. But I guarantee you such divine goodness is available, right here in Central Texas. Go to the Texas Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association to find Local Food, or check out my favorite source for Real Milk and Dairy, Texas Cheese in Schulenburg. Do not fear this delicious real food! Studies show that people with low cholesterol die young, and the true threat to the Ticker is the aforementioned refined, hydrogenated anti-food.
Next, get some real vanilla, not the imitation wannabe made from wood pulp. Not just a flavoring, true vanilla comes from orchids and is used in hundreds of applications, from medicine to aphrodisiac. You will know you have the real thing when you get to the checkstand. Yes, it is pricey, but oh so worth it. Costco has real Madagascar vanilla for $5.99/16 oz.

And the last item is a sweetener. I prefer maple syrup, but will also use agave. These are real sweeteners that are actually beneficial, containing some minerals and other nutrients like polysaccharides that enhance cell communication. Agave, which comes from the same plant as tequila, has certain compounds that relieve pain (I heard that snicker! Yes, of course, enough tequila will do the same job).
Chill a glass bowl and the beaters of the mixer. Just before serving, take the cream from the fridge and start whipping. Add a chug of vanilla and a blob of maple syrup. You really can’t mess it up, even though slick marketers want you to think this is difficult and that you are stupid and incapable of making a no-brainer like whipped cream.

Real Whipped Cream for Real People, and Fool Whip for --well, let’s be kind. After all, it is Christmas.